Welcome to Sarcastic Sunday — the only weekly clinic where Nigerians gather to study our political gymnastics sarcastically, because doing otherwise will choke us to death.
We laugh so we don’t cry.
We joke so we don’t collapse from ultra-high BP.
Consider this sarcastic therapy, proudly prescribed under this regime.
Something very dangerous happened in Nigeria.
Not dangerous like “fuel price increase.”
Not dangerous like “new levy.”
No.
Dangerous like “the law itself may have been swapped while we were blinking.”
But relax.
Breathe.
It’s only Sarcastic Sunday.
Let us start gently, like adults.
Nigeria passed four major tax reform laws.
The debated them.
The House passed them.
The Senate passed them.
The President, , assented.
They were gazetted.
Everyone clapped. Democracy worked.
End of story.
Except… no.
Because one morning, a lawmaker stood up in parliament and said something extraordinary:
“I voted for something… but I am seeing something else.”
Which raises a very small, unserious, completely harmless question:
Who edited the law after the lawmakers went home?
Was it:
- The Holy Spirit?
- Grammarly?
- Microsoft Word auto-correct?
- Or… tax bandits?
Let us break this down slowly, in Mama Ngozi language, because this thing is beginning to sound like village drama with constitutional consequences.
Imagine the village met.
They agreed.
They signed.
Then someone quietly changed the agreement on the notice board.
Now Mama Ngozi is being punished for violating rules she never approved.
In advanced democracy language, this is called:
“A constitutional crisis.”
In Nigerian language, it is called:
“Who did this thing?”
Now here is where Sarcastic Sunday stretches, yawns, and sits up properly.
Because the gazetted version of the tax laws allegedly contains some… creative additions.
For example:
Question 1:
When did tax collectors become arresting officers?
Lawmakers allegedly passed:
“You may investigate.”
The gazette allegedly upgraded it to:
“You may arrest.”
Ah!
Was there a DLC update?
Tax Reform 2.0: Arrest Edition?
Question 2:
Since when does money freeze itself without court orders?
The gazetted version allegedly allows:
- freezing accounts
- appointing agents
- taking money
without a High Court order.
So judges are now observers?
Or decorative furniture?
Question 3:
Who quietly invited small businesses to the party?
Originally:
- Individuals: ₦50m
- Companies: ₦250m
Suddenly:
- Individuals: ₦25m
- Companies: ₦100m
Ah.
So the poor were added later?
Like last-minute guests at a wedding?
Question 4 (this one is premium comedy):
Why must citizens pay 20% before they can complain?
You disagree with tax assessment?
You want justice?
No problem.
Just drop 20% first.
Justice on instalment plan.
Fairness with a deposit.
Lovely system.
Question 5 (this one is existential):
Why remove National Assembly oversight?
Somehow, provisions that allowed parliament to:
- summon tax authorities
- demand reports
- enforce accountability
…disappeared.
Did they elope?
Or were they escorted out quietly?
Now let us ask the big Sarcastic Sunday question:
If nothing changed, why not publish both versions side by side?
Is transparency now classified information?
Is comparison treason?
Is asking questions anti-reform?
Some people say: “Relax. It’s just harmonisation.”
Ah yes.
That magical Nigerian word that means:
“Don’t worry, nothing happened… but also don’t ask what happened.”
But harmonisation is for:
- commas
- numbering
- spelling
Not for:
- arrest powers
- financial seizures
- weakened oversight
Unless we have invented Harmonisation Plus™.
At this point, Sarcastic Sunday must ask politely:
Is there a bandit infrastructure operating between Parliament and the Presidency?
You know:
- Unelected
- Unseen
- Unaccountable
The type that ambushes laws in transit?
Just asking.
Asking is still legal, abi?
Because here is the real danger (pause, sip water):
This is no longer about tax.
It is about trust.
And trust, once broken, does not respond to press statements.
Investors don’t read “assurances.”
They read certainty.
A delayed law that people trust
is better than a fast law people fear.
Before someone screams “opposition,” let us balance it properly:
Nigeria needs tax reform.
Nigeria cannot borrow forever.
Structure is good.
Data is good.
Compliance is necessary.
But you cannot:
- tax people into prosperity
- enforce confusion
- arrest trust into existence
So Sarcastic Sunday recommends the following dangerous radical ideas:
- Pause implementation
- Publish the exact version passed
- Investigate openly
- Fix publicly
- Re-implement confidently
Mad ideas, we know.
Finally, Sarcastic Sunday asks one innocent question to end the session:
If laws can be quietly edited today… what else can be quietly edited tomorrow?
Budgets?
Elections?
Tenure limits?
History books?
Just asking.
Until next week, remember:
We laugh so we don’t cry.
We joke so we don’t collapse.
This is not comedy.
This is survival.
Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka.
Tinubu tax reform should only be adopted by countries like china, Vietnam and others where stealing of public fund by government officials are punishable by death not Tinubu who removed fuel subsidy without accountability but shares proceeds with his family and goes, former accountant general stole more than 80Billion and never got prosecuted, almost all former governor has one fraud case or the other hanging on their neck but never get prosecuted some even gets appointment compensation for stealing public fund while in office as governor Endsars is little compare to what will happen to end Tinubu and his family should he insists on stealing from the poorest of the poor Nigerians in the name of tax reform
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