By Mohammed Bello Doka
20 September, 2026
The World Bank says 87 million Nigerians are living in extreme poverty. The IMF says economic growth is too sluggish to reduce poverty. The National Bureau of Statistics says inflation hit 34.8 per cent, the highest in nearly three decades. The United Nations says 3.5 million Nigerians are internally displaced. The Global Terrorism Index ranks Nigeria eighth most terror-affected nation on earth. And the APC, God bless their unwavering confidence, insists Bola Ahmed Tinubu is the best to lead Nigeria. Welcome to Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka, the weekly column where we study Nigeria's political gymnastics sarcastically laced with humour and a pinch of salt, because doing otherwise will choke us to death.
Let us begin with the mathematics of patriotism. The APC says there is no better person to lead Nigeria than Tinubu. The World Bank says GDP per capita fell from $2,586 in 2015 to roughly $1,224 in 2025. That is not a decline. That is a disappearing act. If poverty were an Olympic sport, Nigeria would be on the podium, and the APC would be the coach telling us we are actually winning. The naira lost over 70 per cent of its value since June 2023. Food inflation crossed 35 per cent. National debt climbed to ₦159.35 trillion by March 2026, a more than twelve-fold increase since 2015. And yet, according to the APC, this is the best. If this is the best, one shudders to imagine what the worst looks like. Perhaps the worst is when they stop talking entirely and simply hand us the bill.
Abdullahi Ganduje, former APC national chairman, declared with the confidence of a man who has never queued for bread that there is no better person to be elected in 2027 than Bola Ahmed Tinubu. He added that this is the first time Nigeria is lucky to have a politician as president. Lucky. That is one word for it. The IMF might choose another word. The IMF said reforms have significantly eroded household purchasing power and that growth remains insufficient to reduce poverty. That is not luck. That is arithmetic. But arithmetic has never won an election in Nigeria. Only slogans do.
Vice President Kashim Shettima went further, saying only a fool, hell-bent on a suicidal path, or an outright imposter can dare to challenge President Tinubu in 2027. That is a bold statement from a government whose own economic scorecard reads like a hospital bill. The World Bank reported that food inflation exceeded 35 per cent and warned that seven million more Nigerians could be pushed into poverty by 2026 if reforms are not better sequenced. Seven million. That is not a statistic. That is a city. Imagine a whole city of newly poor Nigerians being told that challenging the architect of their misfortune would make them fools. If pointing out that the house is on fire makes one an imposter, then perhaps we should all learn to enjoy the flames.
Governor Uba Sani of Kaduna said no president has done for the North what Tinubu has done in three years. The United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs says over 3.5 million Nigerians are internally displaced, many of them in the North. UNICEF says 1.5 million children have been displaced and at least 100 schools were attacked or closed in 2024 alone. ACLED recorded over 15,000 civilian deaths between 2023 and 2025. The Council on Foreign Relations Nigeria Security Tracker documented over 20,000 violent deaths and 5,000 kidnappings. If this is what doing a lot for the North looks like, then the North may wish to file a formal complaint with the manufacturer.
Governor Abba Kabir Yusuf of Kano said the Renewed Hope Agenda is truly working and that Kano is feeling the impact from all angles. The International Crisis Group said Nigeria's security situation has deteriorated significantly since 2023, with the government's response largely reactive and the military overstretched. Amnesty International said Nigerian authorities have failed to protect civilians, with thousands killed or abducted and security forces themselves accused of extrajudicial killings. That is not an angle. That is a full circle of grief. And the only thing renewed is the hope that next year will be less terrible than this one.
Governor Abdullahi Sule of Nasarawa said that as a result of Tinubu's reforms, some governors have been able to carry out their work without borrowing a penny from the bank. That is genuinely impressive. It is also worth asking which bank, and whether the rest of us can open an account there. The World Bank, meanwhile, said the benefits of reforms have not yet translated into tangible improvements in the lives of most Nigerians. Most Nigerians. Not some. Not a few. Most. That is the kind of phrase that should end a press conference, not start a campaign.
Aminu Masari, former Katsina governor, said leaders are better known during tough times and that you can see toughness and commitment in Tinubu. Reuters reported that nearly 80 per cent of Nigerians say the country is headed in the wrong direction. A butcher in Abuja told Reuters he used to sell six goats a day and now struggles to sell one or two. That is not toughness. That is tenderness in the worst possible place. If leadership is measured by how many goats a butcher can sell, then Nigeria is not leading. It is following the goats into the bush.
The Global Terrorism Index ranks Nigeria eighth most terror-affected globally, with terrorism deaths rising 12 per cent in 2024. Human Rights Watch said security forces have committed widespread abuses, including extrajudicial killings and torture, with little accountability. And still, the APC insists this is the best. The best at what, exactly? At making the word best lose all meaning? At turning a country into a case study for how not to govern? At proving that confidence and competence are not the same thing, and that one can be loud while the other is absent?
Here is the vital question. If the World Bank, the IMF, the NBS, the UN, UNICEF, ACLED, the Global Terrorism Index, the Council on Foreign Relations, the International Crisis Group, Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch all say the country is in crisis, and the APC says it is the best, then who exactly is the APC convincing? Themselves? Their governors? Their appointees? Or the 87 million Nigerians living in extreme poverty who are too busy surviving to attend the rally?
Another vital question. If nothing changes under this APC by 2027, will they finally admit that the problem was never the opposition, the weather, the colonialists, the global economy or the price of yam in December? Or will they simply rebrand the suffering, call it a sacrifice, and ask us to vote for continuity of the sacrifice?
And the most vital question of all. If this is the best, what does the worst look like? Does the worst come with complimentary tear gas, or do we have to pay for that separately?
Sarcastic Sunday will continue to ask these questions because someone must. Not because we enjoy it, but because silence in the face of contradiction is how a nation learns to call hunger a diet and hardship a reform. The APC says Tinubu is the best to lead Nigeria. The data says otherwise. The goats say otherwise. The butcher says otherwise. And the 2027 question remains, as it always does, will anything ever change under APC?
Mohammed Bello Doka can be reached via [email protected]
Abuja Network News
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