by Mohammed Bello Doka
12 July, 2026.
Assuming you have a very serious challenge that requires serious intervention from someone powerful, I mean really powerful, and you have access to these people, who will you approach? Seyi Tinubu, Femi Gbajabiamila, Nuhu Ribadu, or Kashim Shettima?
Welcome to Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka where we study Nigeria's political gymnastics sarcastically laced with humor because doing otherwise will choke us to death.
Once again, President Tinubu has chosen Kashim Shettima as his running mate in 2027, but apparently the North is not celebrating, or perhaps the news has been overshadowed by the rescue of Oyo State children, or even more important matters like Nyesom Wike's response to Atiku Abubakar. Anyway, even the Rarara-Davido feud attracted more attention than the President nominating Shettima for a second term. The All Progressives Congress formally unveiled Vice President Kashim Shettima as President Bola Tinubu's running mate for the 2027 presidential election, ending months of speculation that Tinubu could replace him with a Northern Christian over concerns about the party's Muslim-Muslim ticket . But honestly, was anyone truly losing sleep over this? President Tinubu himself described Shettima as a very good partner on the journey for progress, but the North, it seems, has responded with the enthusiasm of a man receiving a gift he did not ask for and cannot return .
Today's topic is simple, we are here to ask vital questions as usual laced with sarcasm and humor. People should not bother answering loudly, they should just answer to themselves because one can lie to everyone except to themselves. Pardon the sarcasm because some people do lie to themselves.
Now let us consider another example. Say one is given the chance to be a vice president, spare tire as we call them in Nigerian politics. Will you choose to be as powerful as Atiku Abubakar, Namadi Sambo, Prof. Yemi Osinbajo, or Kashim Shettima? Again, do not answer loudly, let the truth sink, let them just pretend no one is talking or even asking questions.
During the campaigns, Kashim Shettima made a rather bold declaration. Peter Obi, the Labour Party presidential candidate in the 2023 election, recalled that Shettima categorically stated that if the APC was elected, he as vice president would be in charge of security, while President Tinubu as an expert in economy would handle the economy . Shettima spoke with the confidence of a man who had already defeated insecurity in his head, even before assuming office. He was going to be the security czar, the man who would finally tame the monsters of Boko Haram, bandits, and kidnappers.
Now comes the rhetorical question. Now that Kashim Shettima has successfully defeated insurgency and insecurity, and by successfully, I mean we have seen figures of kidnappings, killings, and a staggering N2.57 trillion ransom payment in 2024 and 2025, what will Shettima be handling if, per adventure, he returns? Let us pray he does not handle hunger .
The SBM Intelligence report titled The Locust Business: The Economics of Nigeria's Kidnap Industry – A 2025 Update confirmed that kidnappers demanded more than N48 billion in ransom between July 2024 and June 2025, with N2.57 billion paid and 4,722 civilians abducted . Zamfara State recorded the highest number of victims with 1,203 people abducted, while Katsina led with 131 kidnap-related incidents . The Northwest remained the epicentre of Nigeria's kidnap-for-ransom economy, accounting for 425 incidents, or 42.6 percent of total cases nationwide, and 2,938 victims, representing 62.2 percent of all abducted persons . Yet, we are to believe that the man who promised to be in charge of security has done such a fantastic job that the North is now eager to keep him in that position. If this is success, one shudders to think what failure looks like.
Perhaps he is a flat tire because the North is not moving anywhere under his watch. If anything, the region has been stranded on the shoulder of history while Shettima sits comfortably in the vice president's lodge, presumably waiting for his second term to continue this grand experiment in security management.
Let us get more details from the National Bureau of Statistics and the World Bank and use the same logic to ask vital questions laced with sarcasm and humor. The World Bank confirmed that poverty rose from 56 percent in 2023 to 61 percent in 2024, peaking at 63 percent in 2025, meaning an additional 10 million Nigerians were plunged into poverty in a single year . About 140 million Nigerians now live below the poverty line, and this is despite a sharp decline in headline inflation from 34.80 percent in December 2024 to 15.15 percent in December 2025 . The World Bank noted that incomes coming into households have not increased sufficiently to cover the impact of still-high inflation, and poverty has yet to start falling . The bank further noted that growth in the agriculture sector, where more than half of the poor work, has lagged services and industry, constraining the pace of poverty reduction . If Shettima is to handle the economy in his next term, God help us all, because the current economic indicators suggest that the only direction is further down. If he cannot move the North in terms of security, what makes anyone think he can move it economically?
When the President announced the removal of fuel subsidy, petrol prices surged by nearly 488 percent, and the naira collapsed from about N465 to the dollar to nearly N1,535 by December 2024 . For a country where 58 percent of households rely on petrol and diesel generators due to national grid failure, this was not reform, it was economic arson. The Hunger Protests of August 2024, which security forces suppressed with bullets, killing at least 24 and arresting over a thousand, were the inevitable response of a people pushed to the wall. But Shettima wants a second term to continue this fine work.
Now, there are some who are pro-Shettima and are of the opinion that he has been silent and is only using Tinubu, that he will remember his strength once he returns for a second term. They argue that his quiet style is not noisy but effective, and that he is a strategic partner in Tinubu's presidency, quietly driving the government's economic vision . But then, what about if Tinubu is also using him to secure reelection and then impeach him once he is reelected? Which is more likely? The Constitution allows for a vice president to be replaced, and if Tinubu secures a second term, he might decide that a spare tire is no longer needed in the trunk. After all, in Nigerian politics, loyalty is a currency that devalues faster than the naira. So, who is using whom? Is Shettima the clever one waiting to unleash his power, or is he simply a pawn in a larger game, destined to be discarded once his usefulness expires? The answer, dear reader, you must answer to yourself.
So, the question remains. Is Shettima a spare tire that can be kept in the trunk just in case, or is he a flat tire that has left the North completely immobile? Some defenders insist he is a strategic asset, not a flat spare tire, but the numbers tell a different story . The North is waiting for a rescue that Shettima has not provided, and we are supposed to clap for a second term. Sarcastic Sunday indeed.
Mohammed Bello Doka can be reached via [email protected]
Abuja Network News
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