Welcome to Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka, the weekly national therapy session where we examine Nigeria’s political circus with the only tools that still work in this country: sarcasm, humour, and the unshakable belief that if we don’t laugh, we will simply die.
This column exists for one reason — to help Nigerians breathe while their leaders are busy tightening the noose.
Here, we don’t just study political gymnastics — we watch Nigeria’s power-holders twist themselves into positions no human spine was designed for, all in the name of survival, ambition, and pure unfiltered selfishness.
Nigeria 2025: A Nation Held Together by Faith, Prayer and Data That Could Make a Grown Man Cry
Let’s not waste time — Nigeria in 2025 is a place where the statistics look like horror movie posters and the leaders behave like the movie’s villains pretending they know nothing about the plot.
We now have:
- 139 million Nigerians living in poverty
- Up to 33 million battling acute hunger
- Inflation hovering between 18–23%
- 3.5 million internally displaced people wandering like rejected extras from a dystopian film
- And a security situation where kidnapping is so popular it could win “Most Active Industry of the Year”
But don’t worry — the people responsible for fixing this are far too busy.
Not with governance, of course.
With something far more important:
2027.
Nigeria’s Leadership: Taking a Gap Year From Governance
If governance were a job in Nigeria, the performance review would read:
“Employee abandoned responsibilities, disappeared from workstation, and was last seen at a rally endorsing himself for a promotion.”
Barely months into power, the ruling APC sprinted directly into 2027 campaign mode with the enthusiasm of children rushing toward free ice cream.
By mid-2024, endorsements were flying across the country like kites during harmattan.
APC didn’t just embrace early campaigning — they pioneered it.
A political innovation.
A governance-free democracy.
A system where leaders don’t need to perform; they just need to plan the next election.
Meanwhile, the economy is screaming, “Help me!”
And the politicians are replying, “We hear you — see you in 2027.”
Defection Festival: Nigeria’s Newest National Sport
From 2023 to date, the political class has turned defection into cardio.
Everyone is crossing over to APC — not because APC is delivering anything miraculous, but because Nigerian politicians have a sixth sense for where the federal pot is boiling.
The reasons for this mass migration resemble a tragic comedy:
- The Carrot: Appointments, contracts, protection, “soft landing,” and access to the legendary national ATM.
- The Stick: EFCC, ICPC and other agencies whose visits are almost always “accidentally” better timed for opposition leaders.
- The Desperation: Nobody wants to face elections as an orphaned politician in a country where the ruling party holds both the remote and the batteries.
What follows the defection is the real comedy act:
Immediate endorsement of Tinubu for 2027.
Not “after a few months.”
Not “after observing performance.”
No.
Instant.
Microwave politics.
You ask them about poverty?
You’ll be accused of negativity.
You ask about insecurity?
They’ll say you’re “talking down the country.”
Ask them about inflation?
They’ll tell you to “focus on hope.”
Ask them about hunger?
They’ll say, “Let’s not politicise food.”
Ask them about their endorsement?
Ah, that one — they’ll answer with speed.
The Covenant is Broken — Leadership Left the Chat
Nigeria’s leaders were elected to:
- Protect citizens
- Reduce poverty
- Ensure security
- Build institutions
- Deliver reforms
- Govern responsibly
Instead, they have:
- Abandoned governance
- Prioritised re-election over national survival
- Ignored economic collapse
- Overlooked hunger, displacement, and insecurity
- Turned politics into personal insurance
- And treated citizens like background noise
The social contract hasn’t just collapsed — it has been burnt, laminated, and archived under “Irrelevant Documents.”
The gulf between leaders and citizens is now wider than the unemployment data gap after NBS’ mysterious “methodological adjustments.”
2027: The Battle Between Citizens and a Political Class That Forgets Citizens Exist
And so we arrive at the truth Nigeria doesn’t want to say out loud:
Only the people can save Nigeria in 2027.
The political class won’t.
They have forfeited that assignment.
They outsourced it to “prayer points” while they focus on securing their own futures.
2027 will be a referendum on:
- hunger,
- poverty,
- insecurity,
- abandonment,
- selfish governance,
- and years of broken promises.
But it will also be a referendum on whether Nigerians have finally had enough.
Make no mistake:
2027 is not APC vs PDP vs LP vs NNPP.
It is politicians vs the people.
A class that has spent years pretending citizens are decorative objects
—
versus
—
a population that has survived on hope long enough to realise hope itself is starving.
2027 Belongs to the People — And That’s Exactly Why Politicians Are Panicking
The political elite are terrified of an electorate that wakes up.
A hungry people can riot.
But an informed, angry people?
Those ones vote.
And that’s their worst fe isar.
Because for the first time in decades, Nigerians are not just suffering — they are observing.
Not just complaining — they are documenting.
Not just angry — they are remembering.
And politicians know:
Memory + ballot = danger.
Final Word: Nigeria Will Rise Only If Nigerians Rise
If salvation comes in 2027, it will be because Nigerians decided they are done with the circus, done with the acrobatics, done with the gambling, done with being spectators in their own democracy.
Nigeria has always been saved by its people — never its leadership.
2027 will test whether that truth still holds.
Until then, welcome to Sarcastic Sunday —
where we laugh so we don’t die,
and where the truth is too important to be said with a straight face.