Good morning and welcome to Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka — where we laugh at the political gymnastics of Nigeria, because if we don’t laugh, the reality will choke us to death.
A few weeks ago, I wrote an article titled Digital Ambush: Inside APC’s Multi-Billion Naira Plot to Silence Dissent. At the time, some said it was exaggerated, others called it alarmist. But here we are, vindicated — because this week’s digital ambush is not smiling at all. The bots are louder, the influencers are richer, and the truth is sinking deeper under hashtags crafted to deceive a weary populace.
Meanwhile, outside the glossy screens of paid trends, the country bleeds without shame. Just last week, bandits blocked the busy Funtua–Gusau Highway from 4 p.m. until midnight. They weren’t in a hurry. They weren’t afraid. They smoked, danced, and mocked a nation, while security agents allegedly watched from the sidelines. And this, in the same Katsina State where Governor Dikko Umaru Radda boldly declared in July 2025 that it was now “safer than Madina” (Daily Trust, July 2025).
Safer Than Madina, Deadlier Than Mogadishu
This is the reality Nigerians live in: a highway turned into a party ground for terrorists, while officialdom insists all is well. We are told to sleep with both eyes closed, but clearly, it is the bandits who are enjoying the peace of mind — smoking shisha, dancing to their own war drums, and daring the state to do something. Spoiler alert: the state didn’t.
The Digital Ambush Has Entered Second Gear
If you thought the APC’s digital army was just about faceless bot accounts and jobless trolls, think again. This week, the budget was simply too sweet to resist. Suddenly, National Assembly members, former governors, ex-ministers, and even “elder statesmen” who once swore to speak truth to power have joined the TikTok circus. They are clapping, dancing, and trending, because apparently, patriotism is no longer about building a better country — it’s about securing one’s slice of the digital contract pie.
Why struggle with conscience when you can trend with cash? Why demand accountability when you can cash in on “Renewed Hope Skits Ltd abi Unlimited”?
Nigeria Is Bleeding, But The Band Plays On
In case you missed it, 3,620 Nigerians have been killed and over 4,300 kidnapped across the country between January and August 2025 (SBM Intelligence, Punch Sept. 2025). The same SBM report warns that “pastoral conflicts in the North-Central are among the deadliest recurring threats to Nigeria’s internal stability.”
That’s thousands of families shattered, thousands of children orphaned, thousands of mothers weeping. But open your phone, and what do you see? A parade of sponsored content telling you Nigeria is “safer than yesterday” and “better than tomorrow.”
While mothers in the North trade their children for ransom, influencers in Abuja trade hashtags for dollars. While bandits block highways in broad daylight, our senators block common sense and insist all is well. And while communities bury their dead, the digital choir is paid to sing “things are getting better” — as though poverty and bullets will suddenly dissolve under trending topics.
In fact, the bloodletting is not abstract. SBM Intelligence reports that 152 security personnel — soldiers, police, and paramilitary officers — were killed between January and May 2025 in attacks by non-state actors. And it’s not just terrorism and banditry; cult and gang wars have claimed 1,686 lives in 909 incidents across Nigeria between 2020 and March 2025 (Nigerian Observer, July 2025). These are not just numbers; they are coffins lowered into the ground while the government livestreams optimism.
And then, of course, there are the bots and their paid data cousins. Post any critique of the government online and you’ll be swarmed by insults and recycled talking points: “Is Tinubu the first to do this?” “Didn’t Obasanjo, Jonathan, Buhari also fail?” As if copying failure is now the definition of leadership. They genuinely believe that because someone else messed up before, President Tinubu deserves applause for doing the same — only louder, costlier, and with more hashtags. And somehow, with a straight face, they miraculously want us to believe Tinubu is not just better but the very architect of modern Nigeria — after doing everything another leader they once condemned as a failure already did.
The Wicked Generation
We are now living in a wicked and heartless generation where so long as the budget flows and the inflow of naira keeps dripping, everyone is ready to lie to everyone — including themselves. The truth no longer sacred no longer matters. Hunger no longer matters. Kidnappings no longer matter. What matters is whether you can get on payroll as a “strategic communicator” to tell Nigerians that their pain is imaginary.
This is not just propaganda. This is gaslighting on steroids. A nation bleeding from every pore is being told, “Relax, it’s just a scratch.” And those who dare to scream are drowned by the chorus of professional liars who chant, “All is well, all is well,” until their own turn comes.
And finally, do whatever you want. Scream mismanagement of the economy, call out insecurity, flood timelines with cries and tears — but don’t you dare mention NEPAL. And if you must, kindly whisper it far away from the corridors of power and the media, because nothing terrifies our leaders more than being reminded of how the lights actually look when they go out.
The government and its supporters keep assuring us there will be light at the end of the tunnel — what they won’t admit is that they’re the NEPA that will take the light at the end of the tunnel.
Vindication Is Bitter
When I wrote Digital Ambush, I warned that what was coming was not just campaigning, but psychological warfare — a deliberate attempt to erase failure by suffocating truth. Today, the vindication is bitter. Not because I was right, but because the reality is far worse than even the darkest prediction.
This isn’t just politics. It’s a nation on fire while its leaders sell smoke as perfume. And we, the people, are expected to inhale and clap like the brainwashed baboons they programmed.
But here’s the real punchline: nobody is laughing, only a few data boys and men smiling to the bank but the entire country is not smiling.
Ok rankayadade sunan Abbas SALISU KUKUM daga zuru WATOH barrister s kukum ko za abani damar magana da maigida DOMIN nasara da sakona
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