Welcome once again to Sarcastic Sunday, that one day of the week when we peel back Nigeria’s democratic wallpaper to expose the cracked and crumbling wall behind it. Yesterday’s bye-elections across the country provided the perfect comic script for today’s edition. What should have been a sober democratic exercise turned into a masterclass in gubernatorial puppeteering. If you were still naïve enough to think elections are about the people, the ballot, and that tired slogan called “one man, one vote,” then yesterday should cure you permanently. In Nigeria 2025, the formula is simple: show me your governor, and I will tell you who wins the election.
Let’s break it down like a nursery rhyme for those who still believe in fairy tales:
Kaduna: APC governor, APC wins.
Ogun: APC governor, APC wins.
Edo: APC governor, APC wins.
Oyo: PDP governor, PDP wins.
Kano: NNPP governor, NNPP wins.
Anambra: APGA governor, APGA wins.
End of story. Roll credits. Nigeria’s democracy summed up in six bullet points.
And if you think this is coincidence, then you probably also believe NEPA will one day give you 24 hours of uninterrupted electricity.
The Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) may have deployed BVAS machines, observers, and whatnot, but let’s not deceive ourselves—yesterday’s real BVAS was “Bring Very Active State-governor.” Where the governor pointed, the votes marched. Where he sneezed, the ballot coughed. Where he winked, the results smiled.
Take Oyo for example: Governor Seyi Makinde is PDP, and guess what? PDP took the day. In Kano, Governor Abba Kabir Yusuf of NNPP stretched his red cap and boom—NNPP emerged the winner. In Anambra, Soludo didn’t even need to shout; APGA simply coasted to victory like a bicycle on a downhill slope. And in the APC states? Well, you don’t need a prophet to know how that ended.
So what do we learn from this? That governors are no longer just chief executives of their states—they are now electoral high priests. They anoint, they appoint, and the people merely show up to clap. Voters? Oh yes, those long-suffering Nigerians who stood under the sun yesterday were simply extras in a political film where the governors already wrote the script, directed the scenes, and announced the winners before the first ballot was cast.
In fact, if we’re being honest, the pattern is so obvious that we can save INEC the stress in 2027. Why spend billions deploying staff, soldiers, and sensitive materials? Why risk ballot box snatching, voter apathy, or violence? Just gather all 36 governors in one room, hand them microphones, and let them announce their preferred winners. Cheaper, faster, and more efficient.
Of course, the apologists will tell you that this is “party loyalty,” that “governors mobilize better,” that “people follow their leaders.” Please spare us. What we saw yesterday was not loyalty; it was submission. Nigerians didn’t vote, they obeyed. Democracy did not speak; governors dictated.
But maybe we shouldn’t be too angry. After all, Nigeria is famous for reinventing the wheel. Other countries talk about free and fair elections, we talk about “Governorcracy.” Other nations debate the will of the people; we debate the will of one man in Government House.
So, let us clap for our governors. They have finally proven that elections in Nigeria are not about manifestos, competence, or candidates. They are about influence, money, and power. Yesterday was not “Bye-Elections.” It was “Governor-Elections.”
And in this new game, democracy lost 1–0. Governors scored all the goals.
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