Welcome to this week’s edition of Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka — a weekly blood-pressure-free therapy session where we laugh at the tragedy called Nigerian politics before it kills us. And this week, our theme could only be one thing: Deception.
That’s the Nigeria of today — built, operated, and masterfully run on deception. A country where political strategy is no longer about policy but about perfecting the art of lying with a straight face.
President Tinubu’s first grand entrance into Aso Rock was to announce the removal of fuel subsidy. He said subsidy was a scam, a fraud, a big lie that had no effect on the lives of ordinary citizens. Nigerians clapped, his data boys ululated, and the media hailed him as the reincarnation of Lee Kuan Yew. But what happened immediately after? The economy went into overdrive like a malfunctioning Keke Napep, prices skyrocketed, food items became gold, and transport fares began competing with mortgage payments. Fast forward two years later, the National Bureau of Statistics says over 30 million more Nigerians have been plunged into multi-dimensional poverty, bringing the grand total to 133 million living in poverty. Yet, Tinubu’s media choir still sings subsidy removal as his greatest achievement. Subsidy had no effect? Then why did life become unbearable after its removal? — DECEPTION
The government claims to be saving billions daily from subsidy removal, but ironically, in just two years Tinubu’s borrowing spree has overtaken Buhari’s four-year record. Yes, Buhari — the very man Tinubu’s camp mocked as clueless. But Tinubu is celebrated as a genius even while borrowing like a student on loan apps. Genius or not, that’s — DECEPTION
They told us electricity subsidy was also a scam. Scrap it, they said, and trillions would be freed up to rebuild the power sector in months. Nigerians rejoiced, thinking darkness would finally be history. Two years later? Power supply is worse. Just two weeks ago, Tinubu was in Japan, cap in hand, borrowing almost half a billion dollars to build the same power sector he supposedly freed trillions to fix. Yet his data evangelists call him the savior of Africa, as if he just split the Red Sea — DECEPTION
And then came the Naira. According to Tinubu, Naira subsidy was another scam that needed to go. Remove it, float the currency, and let market forces do their magic. He promised the Naira would naturally regain strength. Guess what happened? The Naira collapsed like a cheap umbrella in the rainy season — jumping from ₦400 to over ₦1,600 per dollar. Small-scale businesses died, importers wept, inflation went berserk, and millions more were shoved into poverty. Yet his media urchins hailed this as the greatest achievement since the invention of electricity. By the way, did Thomas Edison really invent the light bulb, or was it one Chukwuma from Aba? Either way — DECEPTION
Nigeria has been devaluing the Naira since the 1980s and nothing improved. But the IMF and World Bank whispered sweet nonsense into Tinubu’s ear, and like an obedient student, he obeyed. Meanwhile, China — a country that produces everything including spaceships — was told the same story but refused. They refused because they saw through the IMF’s tricks. Nigeria, however, swallowed it whole. That’s — DECEPTION
And let’s be honest, who is benefiting from this economic genius? The answer is simple: those eating, those hoping to eat, and those eating from those already eating. By eating, we don’t mean dinner. We mean stealing public funds shamelessly while the rest of the country burns. That’s — DECEPTION
NBS statistics already confirm it: Tinubu’s greatest achievement is sending 30 to 50 million Nigerians deeper into poverty. Yet his loyal media army still hails him as the master strategist, the builder of modern Nigeria, and the best thing since sliced bread. If manipulation and misinformation were Olympic sports, Tinubu would have more medals than Usain Bolt. That’s — DECEPTION
And what about the North? Insecurity, poverty, and hunger choke the region, yet more than ₦3.9 trillion worth of federal projects in two years are domiciled in Lagos alone. That’s more than the total projects executed in the 10 most populous Northern states combined. Yet, some Northern ministers call Tinubu the best thing to happen to the region since the days of Ahmadu Bello and Tafawa Balewa. That’s — DECEPTION
Don’t forget the Bello Turji saga. A terrorist who roasts humans alive, rapes women inside mosques, and sets worshippers ablaze. But somehow, this government — the most capable and qualified in history — can’t capture him, can’t kill him, can only cut deals with him. Apparently, Turji is so special, he’s untouchable. That’s — DECEPTION
And God forbid you criticize Tinubu. If you’re Hausa, you’re branded an ethnic jingoist. If you’re Yoruba, you’re called a betrayer. If you’re Igbo, well, you don’t even need to say anything — your existence is already disloyalty. That’s — DECEPTION
So why is this week’s edition titled Deception? Because there’s no other word that captures the reality of Nigeria today. From fuel subsidy to electricity subsidy, from Naira subsidy to poverty statistics, from insecurity to media propaganda, everything is carefully crafted lies sold as gospel truth. Deception is not just the title of this week’s episode. It is the philosophy of governance. It is the operating system of Nigeria under Tinubu. It is the blueprint of our suffering.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Nigeria — the global headquarters of DECEPTION.