by Mohammed Bello Doka
14 June, 2026.
Welcome once again to Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka, where we gather to study Nigeria's political gymnastics sarcastically laced with humor because doing otherwise will choke us to death. But let me be honest with you before we go further. This week's edition is not funny. It is not amusing. It is troubling, nauseating, and deeply disgusting. The kind of disturbing that makes you laugh only because the alternative is to weep until your eyes dry out.
What informed this edition is the continued comparison between Kannywood and Nollywood. The North is under relentless attack by bandits, terrorists, and even ordinary thugs. Communities are emptied. Schools are closed. Villages are turned into graveyards. And what is Kannywood doing? Silence. Worse than silence. Active promotion of the same government that has neglected the North. Enter Rarara. The most prominent political musician in Arewa. A man who has made a fortune out of praise singing for politicians in the ruling APC. While bandits collect ransom, Rarara collects contracts. While mothers mourn, Rarara releases another tribute to a governor. This is not entertainment. This is gluttony dressed in agbada.
Now compare. Recently, when abductions happened in Oyo State, the entire Nollywood in the South was united in condemnation. Actors spoke out. Producers demanded action. The industry put out statements, protests, and pressure. In the North, what did Kannywood do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. They were too busy filming campaign songs for the same APC that cannot protect a single local government in Zamfara. The contrast is not just shameful. It is a tragedy.
We have seen multiple protests in the South. Civil society groups. Business elites. Traditional rulers. All calling for security reform, accountability, and action. In the North West, what do we see? Complicity. Silence. And in many cases, outright cowardice. The kind of cowardice that watches your neighbor taken by bandits and says thank God it was not me. The kind of cowardice that votes for the same failure because he gave you a bag of rice and a new motorcycle.
Let us talk numbers. Compare the statistics between North and South. Kidnappings in the North West alone surpass the entire South combined. Murders. Ransom payments. Villages deserted. Farms abandoned. And yet the South is the one organizing, protesting, and demanding better. The North is organizing praise singing concerts for the very people who have failed them. Who is the fool here? Do not answer. It is rhetorical.
But the problem is not just Kannywood. The problem is the entire ecosystem of Arewa gluttony. Look at Zamfara State. The hottest bed of insecurity in Nigeria. Banditry. Cattle rustling. Kidnappings. The kind of place where no one sleeps with both eyes closed. Now listen to the Minister of State for Defense, Bello Matawalle. A man who once governed Zamfara while bandits multiplied like cockroaches. He came on media to say people are exaggerating the insecurity in the North. Exaggerating. When villages have been wiped off the map. When schoolchildren disappear in hundreds. Exaggeration. That is not a statement. That is an insult to every dead soul in Zamfara.
Then you have Senator and former Governor Abdulaziz Yari. He says Tinubu will secure the highest votes ever in the North in 2027. Highest votes ever. After all the suffering. After all the banditry. After all the praise singers dancing while the North burns. He still believes the Arewa voter will show up with dirty fingers and a foolish smile to vote for the same system that has fed them to wolves. And you know the saddest part? He might be right.
Look at the just concluded APC primaries in Zamfara. Huge crowds. Thousands gathered. Singing. Dancing. Waving flags. In the same Zamfara where bandits operate freely. In the same Zamfara where people cannot farm. They found fuel for generators. They found transport to the venue. They found new clothes. But they cannot find the courage to say enough is enough. That is not politics. That is promiscuity. Sleeping with the same enemy every night and calling it love.
Now let us identify the major problems in the North. It is not just illiteracy. The illiteracy figures are terrible. According to UNESCO and Nigerian Bureau of Statistics, the North has over 20 million out-of-school children. The highest in Nigeria. The highest in the world. Adult literacy in states like Yobe, Zamfara, and Kebbi hovers around 20 to 30 percent. That is tragic. But illiteracy is not the cause. Illiteracy is the symptom. The cause is ignorance. Willful, stubborn, self-inflicted ignorance. The kind of ignorance that refuses to ask questions. The kind that claps when the man stealing your future buys you tea.
That ignorance is enabled by the gluttonous nature of the North. Gluttony not just for food but for money, for status, for anything that fills the stomach and empties the brain. The elite and the political class prioritize personal gain above every other consideration. Above security. Above education. Above the lives of children. The same elite who attend security meetings in Abuja while their constituents are being ransomed for peanuts. They are gluttons. And they have taught the masses to be gluttons too. Give me zinc. Give me sugar. Give me recharge card. I will sell my vote. I will sell my voice. I will sell my conscience.
Then there is the promiscuous nature of Kannywood. Promiscuous not in the vulgar sense but in the sense of having no loyalty, no standards, no self-respect. Kannywood cannot be sustained without access to government funding and free cash. And they know it. Ask yourself. Why is Kannywood silent on banditry? Because the government pays their bills. Why does Rarara praise thieves? Because thieves pay better than farmers. The entire industry is built on patronage, not talent, not vision, not art. It is built on begging.
The world over, entertainment industries are self-funding. Hollywood generates trillions. Bollywood generates trillions. Even Nollywood, with all its challenges, has built a self-sustaining empire that exports culture, creates jobs, and speaks truth to power. When Nollywood sees injustice, Nollywood speaks. When Kannywood sees injustice, Kannywood asks for more funding. That is the difference between an industry and a beggar colony.
Kannywood could raise trillions for itself. It has audience. It has culture. It has language. It has stories the world has never heard. But instead of building an industry, they built a praise-singing machine. They depend ninety percent on government patronage. Let the government stop funding Kannywood for six months and Kannywood collapses. Not because they lack talent. Because they lack backbone. They lack the basic understanding that an industry that cannot fund itself is not an industry. It is a charity case. And that ignorance is criminal.
And at the center of this tragedy stands Rarara. The perfect example of the gluttonous, ignorant, promiscuous culture. A man who made millions singing praise for the very politicians who preside over the destruction of the North. He does not ask why schools are closed. He asks who is paying. He does not ask why bandits roam freely. He asks which governor needs a campaign song. And the crowd cheers. The same people who cannot afford three meals a day cheer for a man who got rich by making them look foolish. They watch him. They hype him. They name their children after him. And then they wonder why the North is where it is.
Here is the difficult question. If Rarara tomorrow loses his government contracts, his political connections, and his free cash, will Kannywood raise one naira to save him? No. They will move to the next praise singer. And Rarara knows this. That is why he sings louder. That is why he never speaks truth. That is why he collects while the North bleeds. He is not a musician. He is a symptom. And the people who clap for him are the disease.
So here we are. Sarcastic Sunday. Not funny at all. A tragedy of promiscuity, gluttony, and shameless cowardice. The North is burning. And the praise singers are dancing. Rarara is counting his money. The elite are planning 2027. And the masses are clapping. Clapping as if applause can stop bullets. Clapping as if praise songs can bring back the dead. Clapping as if the promiscuous North will somehow wake up tomorrow and choose dignity over rice.
But it will not. Because dignity does not pay. And that, dear listener, is the real tragedy.
Mohammed Bello Doka can be reached via [email protected]
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