22 March, 2026
Welcome to this week’s edition of Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka, a place where we study Nigeria’s political gymnastics sarcastically because doing otherwise will choke us to death.
Ninety-nine days. Not ninety-eight. Not one hundred. Exactly ninety-nine. It sounds less like a detention period and more like a carefully measured dose of something stronger than ordinary justice — the kind of sentence that makes lesser men fold but turns the chosen few into legends. While Abubakar Malami sat through that precise stretch, some of his loudest cheerleaders quietly left the stage, others went AWOL without so much as a farewell tweet, a fresh batch remained strategically silent, and only a handful stayed vocal enough to remind us that loyalty, like bail conditions, sometimes needs perfecting.
We (that is if "we" indeed carries any meaning )have been threatened, gaslit, hacked, exposed to every kind of digital and analogue harassment imaginable. Yet everything that has a beginning must have an end. And so, after ninety-nine days of EFCC hospitality that defied a court order so blatantly the bailiff was chased away, after the dramatic Kuje prison siege where DSS operatives turned the facility into a fortress, after multiple bail grants, cancellations, re-arraignments, and one very theatrical handover from one agency to another right outside the prison gate, Malami finally perfected his fresh ₦200 million bail. The case continues. The drama continues. The challenges continue. Because what is a life absent trials and tribulations? A boring one, apparently.
The system, in its infinite fairness and mercy gave one man ninety-nine days of intense scrutiny while the people of Kebbi have been living their own quiet, indefinite detention for decades. But greatness, they say, demands a price. Look across the globe and you will see the pattern etched in stone. Nelson Mandela spent twenty-seven years in prison — not ninety-nine days — and emerged to bury apartheid. Donald Trump faced indictments, impeachments, and courtroom marathons that would have broken ordinary politicians, yet he keeps rising like a political phoenix. Elon Musk has weathered SEC investigations, endless lawsuits, and regulatory sieges that could bankrupt lesser empires, yet Tesla and SpaceX keep reaching for the stars. Religious leaders like the Dalai Lama have endured exile and persecution for decades, turning suffering into moral authority. Business titans from Jack Ma to Jeff Bezos have tasted the sting of state scrutiny and regulatory warfare. These are not coincidences; they are the tuition fees for the school of greatness. As the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche put it, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Malami appears to have paid his instalment in full.
Even closer to home, the jurist’s wisdom echoes: “Justice delayed is justice denied,” yet here we watched courts grant bail only for fresh conditions to appear, agencies to play tag-team, and the entire process to stretch like Nigerian traffic. Prominent politicians have long reminded us that “the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice” — Martin Luther King Jr.’s timeless line. And Mandela himself captured it best: “It always seems impossible until it is done.” The vocal minority who stayed loud through the ninety-nine days understood this; the silent majority and the AWOL brigade perhaps forgot that true leadership is forged in fire, not comfort.
But let us turn the lens where it truly matters — to the people of Kebbi. While one son of the soil endured ninety-nine days of high-profile detention, entire generations in Kebbi have been enduring something far more permanent. According to National Bureau of Statistics and multidimensional poverty data, Kebbi State hovers at a staggering 72% poverty rate, placing it among the poorest in the federation. Illiteracy is even more devastating: 95% of school children aged 7 to 14 cannot read at Primary 2 or 3 level, while 89.4% of women cannot read at all — the worst adult literacy performance in the country. Maternal mortality stands at a heartbreaking 1,077 deaths per 100,000 live births, with infant mortality at 90 per 1,000 — figures that should shame any leader into action. Stunting affects over 60% of children, malnutrition is endemic, and the state ranks at the bottom in education and health indices year after year.
These are not abstract numbers; they are mothers dying in childbirth, children growing up unable to read the future, families trapped in cycles of poverty that make ninety-nine days look like a holiday. A man who has seen the corridors of federal power, who has held the office of Attorney-General of the Federation for eight critical years, cannot afford to fold his arms. The people of Kebbi are not asking for charity; they are demanding the same energy that once secured federal appointments, soft loans, and agricultural interventions for them. His aspiration for the Kebbi State governorship in 2027 is not ambition — it is duty. When a state bleeds from every negative indicator known to man, only a proven son with national experience can staunch the flow.
Did Kebbi Benefit from Malami as AGF? Yes — Here’s How:
Despite serving at the national level, Abubakar Malami used his position to support Kebbi State in several ways:
🔹 Financial Support
About ₦3.2 billion in soft loans to over 5,800 beneficiaries. Relief support for flood victims and COVID-19 interventions across all 21 local government areas.
🔹 Agriculture Boost
Over 1,700 farmers benefited from the Anchor Borrowers’ Programme. Training for 3,000+ women in agribusiness. Irrigation support through tube wells to enhance rice production — the very backbone of Kebbi’s economy.
🔹 Job Opportunities
400+ federal appointments (some reports say far more) for Kebbi indigenes, giving sons and daughters of the soil a seat at the national table and recognition from those already in federal service.
🔹 Education & Welfare
Scholarships, both local and international, for deserving students. Feeding programmes for over 20,000 almajiris. Construction and renovation of schools and mosques. Skills training and empowerment initiatives that touched thousands of households.
Bottom line: Kebbi benefited through both official government influence and personal interventions, earning Malami quiet praise as a committed son of the soil even while he carried the heavier national load.
Now imagine — truly imagine — what happens when that same legal mind, that same network, that same quiet determination moves from the federal Attorney-General’s seat to the Government House in Birnin Kebbi. If as AGF he could channel billions in targeted support, secure hundreds of federal slots, and lift thousands through agriculture and education programmes, what will Kebbi achieve when every kobo of state resources, every policy decision, and every appointment is directed by the same hands that once navigated Nigeria’s most complex legal and diplomatic terrain? The poverty rate that currently mocks us at 72% could finally begin its descent. The mothers who currently face 1,077 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births might see clinics, trained personnel, and emergency response systems worthy of the 21st century. Children currently locked out of literacy could walk into schools that actually teach them to read their own future. The state that has been left with “one day” of attention while others feast could finally receive the consistent, strategic governance it has long deserved.
The drama in Abuja may continue — cases, appeals, headlines. But the real story is not the ninety-nine days one man spent in custody. The real story is the lifetime the people of Kebbi have spent waiting. Malami has paid his dues in the furnace of persecution. Now the state that raised him waits for its own redemption. Everything that has a beginning must have an end — even the silent suffering of an entire people. The question is no longer whether greatness comes at a price. The question is whether Kebbi is ready to collect the dividend come 2027.
Mohammed Bello Doka can be reached via [email protected]
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