Welcome to Sarcastic Sunday, where Nigeria’s political drama writes itself better than any Netflix series — except ours comes with real-life budget cuts, dollar videos, and resignation letters disguised as “medical reports.” This week’s special? Vice President Kashim Shettima, who might just be the next item on the APC’s sacrifice menu, right after Friday’s main course: Abdullahi Ganduje.
Yes, you heard right. Ganduje, the dollar-loving, loyalty-preaching ex-National Chairman of the APC, finally “voluntarily resigned” on Friday — and Nigerians everywhere are still searching for the meaning of voluntary. Officially, he stepped down for “health reasons.” Unofficially, it was more like “Tinubu’s pulse was rising every time he saw Kano in the headlines.”
Now that the broom has swept Ganduje out of the national secretariat, the whispers are getting louder: Is Kashim next?
After all, Shettima was the first to publicly predict that the APC might implode if it didn’t manage its internal affairs. Classic move — predicting a house fire while standing inside the kitchen with a jerrycan. And now, it seems the party is testing that theory. One removal down, one to go?
Inside sources, probably sipping tea and betrayal in equal measure, hint that the VP might be “strategically repositioned” (read: removed, replaced, or quietly iced out) as the North-Central jostles for more power. You see, in Nigeria’s political thesaurus, strategy often means sacrifice, and realignment means somebody’s about to get dumped.
If Ganduje, a man who helped Tinubu secure critical northern ground in 2023, could be dropped like expired suya, then Shettima should probably stop taking long calls without checking for a resignation letter attached.
Meanwhile, the APC continues to sell its current chaos as “internal reforms” and “party evolution.” Sure. And a demolition site is just a building going through puberty.
And let’s not forget the big red hat in the room — Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso. Rumors of his potential romance with Tinubu’s camp are driving Ganduje loyalists crazy. If Kwankwaso joins APC, then we’re not just talking betrayal — we’re talking full-blown Shakespearean tragedy. And who better to exit next than the man sitting quietly at the heart of the storm?
So here we are: one Vice President, smiling at events, shaking hands, giving speeches, all while the ground beneath him gets warmer than Nigerian cement in April.
Is Shettima safe? In this political weather, the only thing safe is the microphone stand at APC headquarters.
But hey, Sarcastic Sunday is just getting started. Stay tuned. By next Sunday, there might be a new broom... or a new name on the chopping block.
Abuja Network News will keep watching as Tinubu continues his subtle-but-deadly party cleansing. Today Ganduje, tomorrow… who knows? Maybe Kashim's seat comes with a remote eject button.
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